Is It Bad to be Selfish?

02/09/2017 02:06

Am I really selfish? I understand that I am.

Is It Bad to be Selfish?

I've been in a battle with myself about my character.
Who am I? Have I become the person I should be? When I think about me, I realize that I love everything I accomplished so far…but there is one thing that scratches my heart as a machete: selfishness.

I have been accused of being selfish countless times for doing things I wanted to do. I have had a finger pointed at me for almost everything that has happened in my family.

You are the one that never listens to us.
You are the one that spends too much money.
You are the one that goes with friends and doesn't stay home with family.
You are the one that doesn't call home.
You are the one that lost her phone.
You are the one that broke her glasses.
You finished the nutella.
You lost my lipstick. You and you and you...
The yous that never end, each coming fast as an arrow digging deeper into my wrecked heart.

I tried to open myself to that. They call it selfishness, making the crack in my soul go deeper. In the process of sewing, gluing and band-aiding my soul together I stopped for a moment (or couple of them) asking myself: am I really selfish?

I developed a hypothesis, I constructed social experiments, researched topics, explored my soul trying to get an answer to a 4 words question: Am I really selfish?
I understand that I am.

I am selfish for one single thing among every letter, every word that was spluttered to my face. I am not selfish for the things I did- after all those are the ones that made me the joyful person I am. I am selfish for not understanding the fact that I am different from them and they are different from me.

I dream big.

I don't wish for a long ride. I wish for a ride with view. I am in this for the ride not for the finish line.
I am in this for the sunrises and the sunsets, for the long walks alone, for the good music, for the people and for LOVE.

I want to enjoy every moment life serves to me, with the good ones showing me how blessed I am and the bad ones showing me how strong I am.
But after all, they are my family, and family is FAMILY.
I love them to the sun and back and I know they share the same love for me. I should embrace their love and the way they express their love. Every day, I let them do that just because I do not have the same kind of love, it does not mean I do not love them. I let them know that they will continue to be my shield and armor all my life, for that, I am who I am today.

Until the end, I will continue to grow independent.

posted by Missanir